Self-confidence Exercises

In my work as a therapist I have come across many forms of self-confidence exercises and in this article I will describe the one that I find works best. The good news is that all my clients – without exception – could dramatically increase their self-esteem by using the self-help advice outlined in this article.

Everybody worries at times whether they are attractive or competent enough. When we feel particularly vulnerable we may even doubt our basic being. We may have thoughts like, ‘there is something fundamentally wrong with me but I cannot put my finger on it’ or ‘I am sure that nobody could love me if they knew all my weaknesses’. Sometimes we may also feel inexplicably ‘bad’ which may result from half-digested religious ideas. In other words, doubts about ourselves and feelings of unworthiness are a universal condition that affects everyone at times.

How can our low self-confidence be cured?

Many people believe that self-esteem is something that they have to build up in themselves through a lot of effort. For example, they may try strenuously to see themselves more positively and may say many positive affirmations to themselves. The idea is that this psychic energy will somehow build up a part of their mind that they feel does not exist. However, the good news is that it is not necessary to make such an effort to construct our self-esteem.

Buddhist teachers have explained that we already are pure and good inside – that it is our basic nature. We all are ‘made of’ this inner goodness and it is simply covered up by the destructive beliefs that we hold about ourselves. So, all that is needed is to remove our inner negativity and we will reveal our natural goodness that was there all along and always will be.

How can we get rid of our negative beliefs about ourselves?

The good news is that it is not necessary to say hundreds of positive affirmations daily. Affirmation can actually make us feel worse because they can throw up a lot of inner resistance. Positive self-esteem can be achieved much more easily than that. We simply have to stop saying horrible things to ourselves. I call this the ‘thought diet’. Just like we should stop eating horrible junk-food we should equally stop saying horrible things to ourselves like, ‘My legs are so ugly!’, ‘I was never good at anything!’ or ‘I am the most stupid person in the world!’ Every time a negative thought ‘knocks at the door of our mind’ we simply do not open the door. We refuse point-blank to finish thinking those hurtful thoughts to the end. Instead we remember how a loving mother would love and comfort her unhappy child and we envelop ourselves in exactly this caring feeling.  We focus on this loving feeling until the self-destructive thought has disappeared.

‘How can I love myself if I am still so imperfect?’

my clients ask me sometimes. ‘I am still so unattractive, clumsy and stupid…?’(or whatever else people may say to themselves). In order to answer this question we need to remember again the loving mother and imagine how she would love her less-than-perfect child. Surely, she would not stop loving her son if he has some problems to get on with his friends or if he is not the brightest boy in his class. On the contrary, she would love her son more – not less – particularly, if her son would get teased by others because of his problems. In exactly the same way, we give love to ourselves including all our hang-ups and problems. It is not necessary to be perfect to be loved by ourselves. There is no negativity within us – no weakness, no ugliness, no shortcoming that cannot be enveloped by our own unconditional love.

We have to send love to ourselves every single time we feel our negative thoughts arise. It will only take a few days or weeks until we have eliminated this negative habit and then we will feel so much more confident. And obviously, once we feel better in ourselves we are better at improving the things that need improving in ourselves. As a result we feel much more positive and other people will respond towards us more positively, as well. It is as easy as that!

Will this simple advice for restoring our self-confidence work for everybody? All I can say is that every single one of my clients has achieved dramatically increased self-esteem by working in this way within a matter of weeks.

For more self-confidence exercises and information about self help for confidence please refer to my book The Five-Minute Miracle.

Books by Tara Springett

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Find more articles about self-help here:
Natural anxiety relief

Self-help for stress

Healing from depression

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